"Who knows what the future holds?"

Not for the both of us but for the each of us.

23:50 31/12/18

I started off just knowing him when I didn't even know him...just being driven by him and then there was no more him and this year introduced me to the world out there and now I wonder why I was meant to be so fixated on you the way I was and for as long as I did? Haha... I'll always remember you as someone who made me feel.

Omagosh things were turning upside down but ironically/ destructively he was there to make me feel and maybe that's why I ended up so desensitised when there was no more him. But I'm realising these dots, adding them up and truly realising that maybe in that moment being distracted was all I had.

23:56 31/12/18

To ALL this year was
To change & moving on ♥

Moving forward now

23:59 31/12/18 Goodbye 2018 love you

Last Post of 2018

I don’t want this to feel like work. I want this blog to be something to look back on, something to look back to everything I’ve gone through/ I’m going through…To look back on the highlight on the normals of life like; what shows I’ve been in to and what not… I also want to try to connect with someone out there, through this…

Who knows maybe I’ll get regulars who tune into my blog posts and realise this is all about real life and a human who has a long, long, longgg way to go to find real happiness…and I know this isn’t no YouTube vlogs, you gotta read (yikes I know) haha but maybe the universe will draw appreciation to the effort I want to be putting into this, next year.

I’ve been saying this for a year. Yeah, the only main resolution I need to be focusing on next year is my chronic procrastination and spiralling unorganised messes of memory hoarding but mostly clutter at this point. I feel like I’ve let that represent me as a person and allowed these bad habits to maintain but it’s okay…I’ll get there.

I have all these saved screenshots of quotes and beautiful/interesting things that I want to be able to put together into meaningful/powerful or just creative posts…because not to be vain or anything…All I can say is I’m not really good at anything ‘YET’, but I do feel I have a creative mind.

Like sometimes I look back on old posts and think wow I wrote that? how did I express myself so well, it be like that sometimes lmao…That doesn’t mean everything I write will be poetic because I still want it to be real/me, my little quirks etc. Like I want to be able to look back and feel yeah this is exactly who I was, thank God I don’t speak like that anymore and cringe away and just be all nostalgic like the nostalgic bitch I am haha.

What I’ve realised is that the way we carry ourselves make us feel old and I’ve been feeling like that for a long time…Feeling like a mess and then feeling tired as a whole…Which then leads to even more damage when the way I’ve been handling it is just by sleeping. Which leads me to where I am now: not insomnia but still a diseased sleeping pattern

But yeah, I think it’s the year of taking control…and having sense because the way I started 2019 I realised I was so emotionally detached and desensitised & I’m happy to say I’m regaining myself back, slowly but surely; always.

P.S. It’s really annoying when you’re writing and trying to find a balance between clichés and cringing to something raw and real. Aaaaaaa I’ll get there too.

Right now it’s 22:59 31/12/18 I’ve literally had 2 hrs of sleep today so I’m glad that in the end I’m home, sleeping through new years the usual haha…But “I’m good, I’m great, I’m great”

2019’s going to be EPIC

#tvdforever haha

& “We’ll try again next year” Remember ♥