Beauty In The Articulation ft Irrational deepness

23:09 Friday 4^th August 2017

(So as I said I will be writing up on things I jotted down on word before I could actually be bothered to create this blog lmaomylife...Although I didn't want to post this because I was thinking it was too much but then I realised how well I sorta explained myself, beauty in the articulationnn (oml that should be the title because that's why I love saving quotes and stuff ygm, if not you'll see) even when I was soooo in my feelings just splurging whatever. But I guess that's the beauty of triggered writing whilst feeling something then and there...) 

So here I am teary eyed. 

I hate that I don’t have the strength to forget him, even after all this time and make him insignificant the way he should be.

Why can I not internalise his wrongs? The wrongs that clearly show me there is nothing left to be and this time for certain.

But for some reason I still miss him, I still mourn him……... 

(23:11) I wish he would just reach out to me for once. I wish I could just get the closure I need from him. Because right now I feel stuck and I need him to also be the one to pull me out of this mess and neutralise his impact…….

I hate that I let it get out of hand. But I love so deeply because I guess I needed that distraction. For him to be that giddy illusion of everything supposedly being alright

WHY DO I STILL CARE? WHY DOES IT MATTER SO MUCH?

All this irrationality it just doesn’t add up. So yes I wish I was strong enough, confident in myself enough, to be okay and unmoved by such insincerity. Because he doesn’t care. If he did….he would have reached out by now.

-23:22

Then there’s the other one, the one who is the whole reason why I ended up involved with the other one.

The one I always seem to gravitate back to…Power of love?

He plays so many mind games... for once I just want him to be honest with me. I just want to know the truth. Because honestly it’s been the longest time coming and I’m truly exhausted God.

Moral of the post: Apparently, as humans we supposedly are capable to be able to feel so deeply for someone; that so does not show that they are deserving of the affection & attention we carry on giving them. It happens and believe me it's got deeper below surface level meanings that you won't understand so straightaway...But it's all okay because everything does truly happen for a reason.

-Don't doubt life's flow